The Strapless Bra: It's Not an Oxymoron! My Review of the Upbra

I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve been shopping and looked at a dress or a top and thought, “Where the hell am I supposed to stuff the girls?”  Duct tape is a breast’s worst enemy.  Therefore, anything that requires strapless or backless becomes a no-no in my closet. 

Most strapless bras are ill-fitting and don't stay up.  Not to mention that most of them are downright plain.  It seems that bra manufacturers don't want to invest in the R&D to develop a bra that would solve a wardrobe problem for a vast majority of women.  

 
 Big Titty Sisters Unite!

Big Titty Sisters Unite!

 

Don’t get me wrong.  I love the look of strapless and backless. It just seems to be a look that is meant for the less well endowed, or those fortunate enough to have perky breast implants.

So, when I was scrolling through Instagram, and saw the Upbra, I had to find out more.  Everyone has seen the stick-on strapless bra with the strings meant for pulling the cleavage together, and although you might get a little cleavage, it doesn’t lift the girls, and will apparently fall off with boob sweat (which is a given in Florida).  

StickyBra.jpg
BoobSweat.jpg

I was sure this was going to be another gimmick.  The website photos shows of the bra being modeled by women with ample assets, but it was the before-and-after photos that won me over.  

I promptly made the purchase based on my usual bra size without taking their patent-pending bra size test so when the first one arrived, I had to return it for a smaller band size.   It is often said 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size, although I couldn't seem to find a reliable source to support this notion.  I gained some weight and assumed I needed to go up a band size. Who knew I was a 36DD?  

Well, apparently, now the whole internet knows.  If you’re a lingerie company, feel free to send me any new bras that you’d like a review of.   (pervs need not apply)

Shipping is fast; the bra arrived in about two days.  It definitely doesn’t resemble your typical strapless bra.  The cups have some kind of panel in them that the breasts sort of sit on top of to lift them.  After you put the bra on, you adjust the clips on the inside to adjust for minimum or maximum cleavage.  Do take note: the more you stretch those clips, the more cleavage you get, but you also get more jiggle, aka the titty twerk.  

Upbra.jpg

I put it on but wasn’t totally sold until I actually tried it on with some clothes.  It doesn’t leave a visible bra line, is quite supportive, and actually stays in place.  

 I would love a bit more lift. 

I would love a bit more lift. 

That means I actually bent over in it and jumped up and down.  The things I do in the name of blogging integrity…

The Upbra would be even better with a slightly wider band and 3 hooks for support, and some boning in the band would probably help give the girls a bit more lift.

BareBra1.jpg
 
 

My Holy Grail strapless bra is one that will lift my boobs up to my neck and still stay put all day.  What’s that saying? “The higher the boobs, the closer to God?”  Oh wait, that’s for high heels.  Well, I believe it applies to boobs too.  

So, is the Upbra my Holy Grail strapless?  Mostly. I’d still love a bit more lift, but if I’m being realistic, I’d need a crane for that anyway.  

 I welcome being able to introduce some strapless styles into my wardrobe.  Oh, and Upbra, if you’re reading this, please make a black, lacy, strapless Upbra.