My pictures have all arrived and I just simply can not stop looking at them. Now that the process is complete I'd like to take a minute to express just what this experience has been for me.
First, I love the look of boudoir photos. They always seem so classy, elegant, and fun. It's forever been something that I wanted to do, but when the opportunity arrived I almost didn't go through with it.
I've spent almost 40 yrs hiding my body. Gaining weight so as to not be noticed or wanted. I learned early on that being sexy and desirable was formidable. That being a girl was dangerous. I've always saw myself as "girl next door" cute, with occasional pretty days. Ive never felt or wanted to be beautiful.
My wife has spent decades trying to help me see myself, the way she sees me. So when this opportunity knocked she encouraged me to do this for myself. To finally take a moment just for me. Little did either of us know just how hard this journey was going to be for me.
My very first conversation with you I felt so excited, I was thinking about how fun this would be, and then I hung up the phone and the fear set in. I spent days crying in the shower. Feelings and memories I thought I had long ago buried came rushing in and shook me. I spent weeks wondering how on earth I was going to bring myself to actually relax enough to let you take my pictures.
My wife did her best to ease my panic. She set the task of shopping first. If I could just find outfits I felt comfortable in all would be ok. The packages arrived and I almost called you to cancel the shoot. After being talked off the ledge, more shopping entailed. This time with a better vision of what I wanted. Over the next 2 weeks I drove myself and my wife to the brink of drinking. Every time I thought, I can do this, the fears came back and I just wanted to cancel it all.
The morning of the shoot my wife kissed me and pushed me out of the car, telling to relax and have fun. As I reached to knock on your door I again almost turned and ran, but something said not to, I deserved to put my past and my fear away. From the moment I stepped through your door my whole world has flipped upside down. You were warm and friendly and inviting. My hair and makeup process was fun when I spun around and looked in the mirror, wow! I took a deep breath and thought, ok here we go. I'm sure that I wasn't the easiest of ladies to work with but you did an amazing job at helping me to relax and let myself have fun. The process was less sexy and more technical than I expected, which for me was what allowed me to enjoy it.
As the day went I found myself actually having fun and enjoying it all.
Then came the moment to actually see the pictures. I don't know that I will ever have the words to express what I saw, but I can tell you how they make me feel. Beautiful, stunning, sexy, elegant, and most of all free. They look like everything I've always wanted to feel! I saw, for the first time in my life, what my wife sees when she looks at me. To say that I have found a new kind of confidence is an understatement. I feel bold and powerful and flirty and fun. I feel worthy.
I've displayed my photos in my home in places that I will see everyday! In places that visitors to my home will see. I want them to remind me everyday that I Am Beautiful. Remind me that I am brave, and strong. Remind me that I have the power and no one will ever take that from me.
Thank you for doing what you do and making such a positive and life changing impact on my life!!
